The prosecutor’s opening statement that this is trial not about about maternal mental health in America infuriated me.
When I asked my OB if postpartum anxiety was something that came and went, she laughed. She said “mental health isn’t a part-time thing.” I was embarrassed to get any kind of support after that.
If this trial isn’t a conversation about maternal mental health in America, then when are we having that conversation? Because we’re long overdue.
I agree wholeheartedly with your take on her story and before I had children myself I have to admit I was one of those women who said I would never do something like this. It’s only through my lived experience that I can see how something like this is possible. Modern motherhood, is village-less.
There but for the grace of God go I. My heart breaks for Lindsay & her children. I've been there, thinking of ending my life and feeling that it would be kinder if I took my child with me than leave her without a mother. Fortunately, I was able to call a peri atal mental health help line and mental health clinicians came and assessed me the same day. I was admitted to hospital and recovered. I live outside the US.
I’m an avid supporter of your platform and work from the days of Girls Who Code to your much-needed advocacy for mothers. I agree the system failed Lindsay Clancy, and as a mother, my heart breaks for her and her children. They deserved more.
Where I break away from your position is the conclusion that women are more critical of Lindsay than men, or that these comments are evidence that women are each other’s worst enemy.
Given that this case—and your platform—primarily engage women, it’s not surprising that many of the comments are from women. I’m exhausted by the narrative that women are each other’s worst enemy rather than recognizing that women are human beings and certainly not a monolith. Yes, internalized misogyny exists, and yes, there are women who genuinely uplift and support other women. I think it’s important that we highlight both.
Vile comments naturally draw our attention and are far more memorable than supportive ones, but we can’t let our propensity to focus on the negative outshine the positive. People—including women—will have good things and bad things to say.
I think it serves us better to treat these comments for what they are: the views of a subset of women shaped by internalized bias, insecurity, or other individual factors—not evidence that women, broadly, are siding with patriarchy or are each other’s worst enemy.
Framing it that way risks replacing one harmful generalization with another, when the real issue and focus needs to rest on the culture and systems that enable these attitudes in the first place.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share such a thoughtful reply! I really appreciate it. And I agree that the comments section is a product of many factors; one of them is how the platforms are designed and the profit they gain from enraged engagement (= the most profitable type, after all). And to this point - "There are women who genuinely uplift and support other women. I think it’s important that we highlight both." Yes, yes, yes. We are on the same page there. 🫶
I am grateful for your piece here as I can’t stop thinking about Lindsay, her kids and her family… and the system has truly failed us as women… and it’s exhausting when women don’t band together to understand and provide support..heartbreaking 💔
I had ppd so bad. I can barely talk about even now, almost 24 years later. The system has only gotten worse and now I grapple with the system failing menopausal women. Keep shining a light on women’s mental health. Thank you!
Exactly. Not to mention the layers of prescriptions from multiple sometimes time-overlapping providers. Watching her sob in the courtroom is heartbreaking. People that hate Lindsay hate women.
What is heart breaking about the sob of a child murderer? What is heart breaking is how she killed those kids, their bodies likely convulsing and minds in a state of fear and terror as their lives left their bodies.
I’ve been trying to not pay attention to this case because it’s all too much. I live not far from where this happened and had a young baby at the time. It haunted me and still does. However it’s impossible not to see comments or stories. I really appreciate what you have written as I think you have put words to why it haunts so many of us. It truly but for the grace of god could be anyone. And while that realization is frightening, I think you have found a way to make it somewhat empowering. If we fight for the safety nets and support we need, then maybe we would be caught if this happened to us rather than so tragically alone.
It is really painful to follow this case. I'm a provider who has worked with women with postpartum psychosis and seen firsthand how our systems and society, with its judgment and lack of support and understanding of postpartum psychosis and maternal mental health as a whole, treat mothers. We need more inpatient settings to care for mothers who require a higher level of support, a legal system that sees mental illness in the postpartum as a mitigating factor. And can we just offer one another, moms especially, more compassion?
The prosecutor’s opening statement that this is trial not about about maternal mental health in America infuriated me.
When I asked my OB if postpartum anxiety was something that came and went, she laughed. She said “mental health isn’t a part-time thing.” I was embarrassed to get any kind of support after that.
If this trial isn’t a conversation about maternal mental health in America, then when are we having that conversation? Because we’re long overdue.
So overdue. We were overdue with Andrea Yates, and look how little we have done since. Heartbreaking.
I agree wholeheartedly with your take on her story and before I had children myself I have to admit I was one of those women who said I would never do something like this. It’s only through my lived experience that I can see how something like this is possible. Modern motherhood, is village-less.
It's far too easy to think we can do it all, alone and perfectly, and that when we fail trying, it's our fault alone. Thank you for sharing.
There but for the grace of God go I. My heart breaks for Lindsay & her children. I've been there, thinking of ending my life and feeling that it would be kinder if I took my child with me than leave her without a mother. Fortunately, I was able to call a peri atal mental health help line and mental health clinicians came and assessed me the same day. I was admitted to hospital and recovered. I live outside the US.
Thank you for explaining it this way. I hope we listen.
Thank you, Emily. Me, too.
“But every time a woman writes a sentence like that, she is doing the system’s work for it, for free.”
She could have been any of us, that’s the scariest part about it all….
I’m an avid supporter of your platform and work from the days of Girls Who Code to your much-needed advocacy for mothers. I agree the system failed Lindsay Clancy, and as a mother, my heart breaks for her and her children. They deserved more.
Where I break away from your position is the conclusion that women are more critical of Lindsay than men, or that these comments are evidence that women are each other’s worst enemy.
Given that this case—and your platform—primarily engage women, it’s not surprising that many of the comments are from women. I’m exhausted by the narrative that women are each other’s worst enemy rather than recognizing that women are human beings and certainly not a monolith. Yes, internalized misogyny exists, and yes, there are women who genuinely uplift and support other women. I think it’s important that we highlight both.
Vile comments naturally draw our attention and are far more memorable than supportive ones, but we can’t let our propensity to focus on the negative outshine the positive. People—including women—will have good things and bad things to say.
I think it serves us better to treat these comments for what they are: the views of a subset of women shaped by internalized bias, insecurity, or other individual factors—not evidence that women, broadly, are siding with patriarchy or are each other’s worst enemy.
Framing it that way risks replacing one harmful generalization with another, when the real issue and focus needs to rest on the culture and systems that enable these attitudes in the first place.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share such a thoughtful reply! I really appreciate it. And I agree that the comments section is a product of many factors; one of them is how the platforms are designed and the profit they gain from enraged engagement (= the most profitable type, after all). And to this point - "There are women who genuinely uplift and support other women. I think it’s important that we highlight both." Yes, yes, yes. We are on the same page there. 🫶
Yes, these platforms are absolutely designed to keep people engaged and enraged. Thank you for being a voice for women's empowerment.
I am grateful for your piece here as I can’t stop thinking about Lindsay, her kids and her family… and the system has truly failed us as women… and it’s exhausting when women don’t band together to understand and provide support..heartbreaking 💔
💔 so hard to fathom
I had ppd so bad. I can barely talk about even now, almost 24 years later. The system has only gotten worse and now I grapple with the system failing menopausal women. Keep shining a light on women’s mental health. Thank you!
Exactly. Not to mention the layers of prescriptions from multiple sometimes time-overlapping providers. Watching her sob in the courtroom is heartbreaking. People that hate Lindsay hate women.
What is heart breaking about the sob of a child murderer? What is heart breaking is how she killed those kids, their bodies likely convulsing and minds in a state of fear and terror as their lives left their bodies.
Two things can be true.
The desire for justice to the fullest extent of the law is the appropriate response here
Imagine writing a sympathetic article about Harvey Weinstein
Instead the gender in group preference is strong and alive in defining this child murderer
I’ve been trying to not pay attention to this case because it’s all too much. I live not far from where this happened and had a young baby at the time. It haunted me and still does. However it’s impossible not to see comments or stories. I really appreciate what you have written as I think you have put words to why it haunts so many of us. It truly but for the grace of god could be anyone. And while that realization is frightening, I think you have found a way to make it somewhat empowering. If we fight for the safety nets and support we need, then maybe we would be caught if this happened to us rather than so tragically alone.
“Comparing ourselves to the worst version of a “bad mother” is easier than reckoning with a system that could break any of us.”
Thank you so much for this. I’m going to think about this line for a long time.
ALL OF THIS
Thank you for reading, friends.
Thank you Reshma 🫶
Thank you for reading. 🫶
It is really painful to follow this case. I'm a provider who has worked with women with postpartum psychosis and seen firsthand how our systems and society, with its judgment and lack of support and understanding of postpartum psychosis and maternal mental health as a whole, treat mothers. We need more inpatient settings to care for mothers who require a higher level of support, a legal system that sees mental illness in the postpartum as a mitigating factor. And can we just offer one another, moms especially, more compassion?
She murdered little children. She should face justice to fullest. No one else is to blame.