Here’s what courage really feels like

Complete and utter rejection

When we talk about courage, we get it all wrong.

We picture a rallying cry. A rousing speech. A slow-motion walk away from the explosion—maybe carrying a puppy or a baby. We talk about courage like it should feel powerful. Righteous. Cinematic. Liberating.

But real courage doesn’t feel like that.

It feels like rejection. Like isolation. Like, “what did I just do?” And “who do I think I am?”

You say the hard thing. You take the risky leap. You make the decision no one else wants to make—and then you wait. Alone. Wondering if you just blew up your life.

I can count on one hand the times I’ve done the truly courageous thing. And not once did it feel good in the moment. (One of those times was this past week, when I had to push back against someone who suggested that I not speak my mind).

There’s a rush of adrenaline—and then a crash. Your chest tightens. Your jaw locks. You feel sick.

And then there’s the silence. Usually there’s no one applauding you—because you did the thing everyone else was afraid to do. Chances are, they’re probably still afraid to even acknowledge what you’ve done.

Sometimes there’s side-eye. Or worse: backlash.

No one tells you that when you act from your values—when you choose what’s right instead of what’s easy—you might feel like you’re being punished for it.

You’ll doubt yourself. You’ll want to retreat, to explain, to soften the blow. But that’s what makes it brave: doing it anyway.

I spent all weekend thinking about this after reading New York Magazine’s piece about the young people risking their futures to protest—while the powerful stay quiet. Because they’re afraid. Because they want to preserve what they have.

We all do it. We cling—often unconsciously—to the systems and stories that make us feel safe. Even when they’re broken. Even when they betray our values.

The truth is, most of us haven’t been taught how to live from our values. We’ve been trained to seek approval. To climb. To stay safe.

Working for approval might protect your status. But working for your values protects your soul.

If doing the brave thing feels hard right now, that’s because it is. But you’re not doing it wrong. And you’re not alone.

Here are a few people I've been looking to as examples of bravery:

• Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, whose opinions I always make a point to read—and who recently condemned Trump’s attacks on judges.

• Thomas Sipp, the associate who left Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom after the law firm struck deals with the administration.

I think of them and I keep going. I hope you do too.

One day—maybe not right away—courage will feel like freedom. I promise.

And I hope you know that you can write to me here. I will reply. I want to hear about courage from your perspective.

With love,

Reshma

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